Everything You Are (Jukebox Heroes 3) Read online

  “I know. It’s okay.”

  Seth looked up at him, relief plain on his face. “Really? So...we’re good?”

  “Yeah, man, we’re good.”

  London held his hand up and they repeated that weird handshake-hug thing they’d done when we first got to Seth’s.

  “I didn’t know my swiping that key was going to start so much drama,” I added.

  Seth hugged me.

  “Are you kidding? It wouldn’t be a Seth Webber party without drama. But how’d you get the damned thing away from her?”

  I recounted the less than daring tale, and Seth just shook his head.

  “I feel dumb.”

  “You’re a guy, honey,” I said. “It comes with the territory.”

  Seth grinned and hugged me again.

  A few minutes later, Brian and Dylan announced that they were heading back to their place. Neither London nor I were in any shape to drive, so Dylan suggested we grab our gear and ride with them. Dylan could bring us back for the car later.

  I dozed off on the ride home, the dome light in the car waking me when we were safely back at Brian and Dylan’s house. London helped me out of the car and into the guest bedroom and then helped me get undressed and into bed. I didn’t need the help, and London knew it, but he wanted to take care of me, and I wanted him to. Sometimes it’s just nice to feel loved and cared for.

  Sometime after noon the next day, I woke to London nuzzling my neck. I scooted back against him, and he planted a kiss behind my ear.

  “I was beginning to think you were gonna sleep all day.”

  I wrapped his arm around me, twining our fingers together. “So you decided to spoil my evil plans?”

  “Mmm-hmm. I need you awake.”

  I turned and looked over my shoulder at him, but instead of the lust I expected to see in his eyes, there was anticipation and a touch of apprehension. I turned to face him.

  “Everything okay?”

  He nodded, the barest hint of a smile touching the corners of his mouth, and leaned in to kiss my forehead.

  “I just want to give you your Christmas gift while we’re alone.”

  I thought that sounded kind of ominous but wasn’t quite awake enough to figure out why.

  “Hold that thought,” I said.

  I slid out of bed, tugged on the nightshirt I’d refused the night before, and padded into the adjoining bathroom, taking extra time to brush my teeth and splash water on my face as I tried to wake up. When I realized I was putting off something I shouldn’t be dreading, I forced myself to walk back into the bedroom. London was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, his pale skin a startling contrast to the deep blue of the sheets pooled around him. I crawled up onto the bed to sit facing him. Without another word, London held out a box. A small, black velvet jeweler’s box.

  My blood turned to ice water and pounded in my ears as I stared at the tiny box. I glanced into London’s eyes, but they gave nothing away. His face was a perfect mask. I took the box with numb fingers and snapped the lid open.

  “Oh, wow,” I gasped.

  The words were inadequate for both the beauty of the ring inside the box and my relief that it wasn’t a diamond solitaire. I touched a fingertip to the delicate, interwoven bands of what looked like silver, gold, and copper.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  London took the box and freed the ring. He reached for my right hand to slide the ring onto my finger.

  “I know you can’t feel the magic in it, but it’s an amulet. A replacement for that godawful necklace.”

  I dragged my eyes away from the ring to look at London. “You made it?”

  He nodded.

  “Beautiful and practical,” I said with a little grin. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

  I maneuvered until I sat sideways in the vee of London’s legs and put my arms around his neck. He hugged me close, stroking my hair. The position was awkward and uncomfortable, but neither of us wanted to let go. We were saved from ourselves by a gentle tap on the door and an invitation to join our friends for breakfast.

  After breakfast, the four of us exchanged gifts. The scarf I’d hand crocheted for London seemed sort of lame in comparison to the ring he’d given me, but he loved it. He wouldn’t have much use for it in LA, but on the road it would come in handy.

  “And I’ll have a part of you with me wherever I go,” he said, stroking a hand over the soft yarn.

  We spent the rest of the day doing a whole lot of nothing. We retrieved London’s car and had dinner with Seth and a couple of his close friends, JT and Teddy, who’d stayed to keep an eye on Seth after the party. The three of them joined us for the explorations I’d been promised.

  I’d assumed that ‘showing me around the city’ would involve seeing the major attractions I’d heard about all my life – Grauman’s Chinese Theater, the Walk of Fame, and such. Instead, we stayed near where Brian and Dylan lived. The area was rife with museums, galleries, and boutiques, but since it was New Year’s Day, our options were limited. We ended up doing a driving tour, crammed into JT’s SUV, and then we hung out at Seth’s for a while.

  As much as I loved my brother and my friends in Austin, I didn’t want to ever leave this place and these people.

  As dusk fell, London and I headed back to his condo to spend one last night together before he had to drop me off at the airport to head back to reality. We made the most of every minute of the night, but still it was hard as hell to say ‘goodbye’. I spent the entire four hour flight feeling like I was heading away from home instead of toward it.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  By the time I stumbled off the plane, London had already texted me and left me a voice mail – both saying how much he already missed me. I forced myself to wait until I’d driven across town to my apartment before I called him back. We didn’t talk long, since I was exhausted and had to work early-ish the next morning, but I took it as a good sign.

  After work the next day, London called again.

  “I talked to Brian and Dylan earlier,” he told me. “How would you feel about the three of us coming to visit around the beginning of next month?”

  “When exactly?” I asked. I thought I knew the answer – that they wanted to come down for my birthday on the second – but I was almost afraid to get my hopes up.

  “Thought we’d fly in on the first and stay until you get sick of us.”

  I wanted to do a little dance of joy, but I settled for just smiling and saying, “Until I get sick of you, huh? Like that’s ever gonna happen.”

  We didn’t talk long, since he had errands to run, but it was an improvement over not talking to him at all. I was still smiling to myself as I snuggled up with Benny for a nap, and I was still smiling when I crawled out of bed and got cleaned up and dressed for another night at Haven.

  I chatted with Amy for a little bit when I got to the club and then made my way inside. Right away, I knew something was off. One of the other bartenders was working Joseph’s bar, which I’d never seen happen on Open Mic Night. Glancing around the club, I saw Joseph up on the stage with Michael, making sure the equipment was ready for the evening’s entertainment. I made my way up to them.

  “Hey.”

  Joseph turned to look at me, and a smile lit up his face. “Hey, sweetie. How was Lala-land?”

  “Fabulous,” I said with a grin.

  “I want to hear all about it...as soon as I figure out what the hell happened to the damn mixer.”

  “I’ll be here,” I said, gesturing toward a nearby table.

  I watched and waited while the boys got the sound system straightened out. When they were done, Joseph glanced toward the table, shook his head, said something to Michael, and headed off toward the bar. Michael joined me at the table.

  Michael asked me about my trip, and we talked a little about LA and various people he knew there. Joseph joined us, sliding one of his signature cocktails in front of me. I answered his questions about my visit to
California, and then I asked a question of my own.

  “So where is Chris tonight?”

  “He’s been out of town for a couple of days now. Went to visit some old friend of his who’s in the middle of some crisis or other. I swear his old friends only surface when they need something, and he always goes running.”

  “You make that sound like a bad thing,” Michael said. “That he’s willing to help his friends, I mean.”

  “You know I don’t think that. But he does let people use him.”

  “Speaking of Chris helping friends who don’t deserve it...which one of you wants to tell me how he managed to magic tires onto my car?”

  The guys had a silent conversation, and then Joseph said aloud, “I have no idea what you’re talking about, sweetie.”

  “Me either,” Michael said. “No idea at all.”

  “Fine. He can keep his secret. But I want whoever might have been involved to know just how much I appreciate it.”

  They were both silent for a minute, then Michael spoke up. “I’m sure Santa’s helpers would tell you that you do deserve to have people looking out for you and that they were really happy to be able to help.”

  I felt tears stinging my nose and the backs of my eyes.

  “Must be some pretty awesome helpers then. Santa’s a lucky guy. And I’m a lucky girl.”

  Joseph squeezed my hand, and Michael gave me an awkward smile. The show started soon after that, and no more was said about Chris or Santa or Christmas miracles, but I couldn’t help thinking from time to time about the amazing new friends I’d found here in Austin and how much they’d come to mean to me in a short span of time. I really was a lucky girl.

  My friends became even more important to me over the next couple of weeks. As London fell back into his old habits and his calls and texts became few and far between, I found myself leaning on my other friends. I lost track of the number of times I called Chris when I needed someone to share my disappointment with. And he was always there for me, no matter what else he had going on. More than once he even came by my apartment after work, just so I wouldn’t have to be alone with my heartache and insomnia.

  A few days before London, Dylan, and Brian were due to arrive in Austin, I got the call I’d been dreading. London wouldn’t be coming after all; there were new leads to chase down.

  “You are aware that you’re a drummer and not a PI, right?” I tried to keep the sarcasm – and the hurt – out of my voice.

  “That doesn’t mean I don’t need to be there, Em.”

  I knew he had been using his empathy to aid the investigation somehow. I knew that he believed in what he was doing, that he thought he could make a difference. I also knew that I’d had all the disappointment that I could take. I thought again about what Seth had told me on New Year’s Eve, that life is too short to be miserable. He was right.

  “I love you, London. You know that. But I can’t keep doing this.”

  “What is it you expect from me?”

  I could hear the anger bubbling just beneath the surface of his calm words. I took a deep breath and let it out.

  “That’s just it, London. I can’t expect anything of you, because when I do, I end up getting hurt. And I’m not going to do that to myself anymore. I’m done.”

  In the silence that followed, I could hear my own heartbeat racing.

  “Are you breaking up with me?”

  The hurt in London’s voice brought tears to my eyes, and I almost lost my resolve.

  “No, London. No. I’m just...I’m just taking a step back. I’ll still be here when you have time for us.”

  “I thought you understood.”

  I could hear tears in London’s voice, and it startled me. And broke my heart.

  “I do understand,” I told him, the words coming out as little more than a whisper. “That’s why I’ll still be here. I love you, London. And I’ll be here anytime you need me. But I can’t keep waiting for things that aren’t going to happen.”

  Silence again, and then London said, “I love you, too. I know I don’t have any right to ask you for anything...but please don’t give up on us.”

  I wiped away tears with the hand that wasn’t holding the phone. “I’m not. I promise.”

  “I need to go.”

  “Please don’t. Just...just talk to me.” I was afraid if he hung up now, it really would be the end of us somehow.

  “I can’t. Not now. I’ll talk to you soon, though, okay? I promise. I’ll call you on Friday.”

  I wanted to tell him not to make promises to me, not to give me something else to build expectations on, but I couldn’t make myself do it.

  “I’ll talk to you then,” I said instead.

  We hung up, and I curled up with Benny to torment myself with guilt and doubt and fear.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  I wallowed in my grief for a while, dozed off, woke up, and reached for my phone. I didn’t expect Chris to answer, knowing he’d be busy with the club, but I was certain he’d call back when he got the chance. It was the way things worked with him. I’d leave a message, and he’d actually get back to me.

  To my surprise, the third ring of the phone was met with a groggy, “Hello?”

  “Hey. Did I wake you?”

  “Mmm. Yeah. But it’s okay.”

  “I thought you’d be at the club.”

  “Going in later. You okay?”

  “I will be.” I hugged Benny to me and snuggled deeper into the blankets.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “London bailed on me again,” I said, skating around the whole truth, “but I don’t want to talk about that.”

  “No?”

  “No. Brian and Dylan are coming in this weekend for my birthday. I’m not sure what that entails, exactly, but I figure dinner on Friday night is a given. I wondered if you might like to join us.”

  For a moment, I heard nothing except the rustle of fabric. I tried not to imagine Chris sprawled across his bed, his hair mussed and lids heavy with sleep.

  “I’m supposed to be going out of town this weekend,” Chris said.

  “Oh.”

  “An old buddy of mine needs my help with a project. I kind of promised.” He paused for a heartbeat and then added, “No, you know what? It doesn’t have to be this weekend. I’ll owe Joseph a hundred favors, but I can rearrange things with him, get him to cover the club for the next couple of days while I’m out of town. And bribe him to cover for me on Friday night, too.”

  “You don’t have to do that. I know it’s last minute....”

  “It’ll be fine. I want to spend your birthday with you. And I want to meet Brian and Dylan.”

  “You’re sure about this?”

  “Yeah, baby. I’ll make it work.”

  We talked for a couple of minutes about where we might go for dinner on Friday, and then he had to go get ready for work. After we hung up, I lay there hugging my teddy bear and my cell phone, thinking about his promise to ‘make things work’ so that he could hang out with me and my friends on Friday. Unlike London’s promise to call, I knew I could count on Chris to follow through. Once again, I found myself considering Seth’s advice and wondering what I planned to do with it.

  The answer still hadn’t come by the time Thursday rolled around. I picked my Brian and Dylan from the airport, greeting them like it’d been years instead of weeks since the last time we’d seen one another. We grabbed a quick lunch and then headed over to Chris’s house.

  “Chris offered to let us stay here since there’s more room,” I explained, as I let us in withmy key.

  Dylan, who’d come to visit me just about the time I moved into Chateau du Postage Stamp, tried to hide her relief. I just grinned and shook my head as I pointed them toward the guest room before heading to Chris’s room to drop off my gear. I left my suitcase by the door and stepped into the oversized closet to hang up my work uniform and the new dress I’d bought to wear to my birthday dinner. I smoothed out the collar
of my work shirt and then stepped out of the closet to find Brian waiting for me, sitting on Chris’s bed and watching me with serious eyes.

  “It’s not what it looks like,” I said.

  “Maybe it should be.”

  I stood there, gaping, for a moment before I flicked off the closet light, shut the door, and crossed the room to sit sidesaddle on the bed facing Brian.

  “Run that by me again?”

  “You know I love London like a brother. And you know how I feel about you,” he said, taking my hand in his. “I don’t want to see either of you get hurt, but...” He sighed and tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear. “My life’s changed a lot this last year. The way I see the world – that’s changed, too. I appreciate just how quickly life can turn upside-down. And I know that there aren’t any guarantees about what the future will hold, or even that there’ll be a future.”

  I gave his hands a squeeze. “And life’s too short to be miserable?”

  Brian nodded. “And it’s too short to spend it chasing shadows. I tried to tell London that.”

  “He’s doing what he believes is right. I can’t fault him for that. I don’t have to like it, but I can’t fault him for it.” I sighed and looked away. “I love him, Brian. I do. But sometimes – just sometimes – it would be nice to come home from a crap day at work, pick up the phone, and have him actually answer it, you know?”

  “I do know.” He freed one hand and brought it up to cup the back of my neck. “And I know that believing in what he’s doing doesn’t make it okay for him to push you away or hurt you. You deserve to be happy. And if you being happy means London’s unhappy....”

  I blinked away tears. “I don’t want to hurt him.”

  “What do you want?”

  I shook my head and looked down. “I don’t even know.”

  “Elizabeth,” Brian said. When I didn’t look up, he tilted my face up so that our eyes met. “There’s nothing that says you have to have all the answers. Take your time. Figure out what works for you. But whatever you do, be happy.”

  “Enjoy what I have in the moment?”